And What Are You? The Language Police?

Yeah I know that title is just dripping anger and frustration, but having been the target for this "language" control trend that's been going around, I've developed a soft spot for everyone else who's in the same boat at I am. So just to clarify things: my mother grew up mostly in Karachi, Pakistan, and she did her schooling in Urdu, unlike her sisters who studied in Bangla/ Bengali. Her spoken and comprehensive Bangla is therefore a little better than atrocious. And it is this same mother of mine, who keeps teasing, scolding and basically demoralizing me in any way possible, because my spoken and written Bangla is not as strong as my grasp of the English language.

Let me tell you a story. When I was in the pre-schooling stage, my teachers felt that I would never be able to learn English. Why? Because while I was fluent with my Bangla alphabets, I just could not memorize the English ones. And so they called in my mother and told her that because I was a little "deficient" in my language learning capabilities, they did not think that I would ever be able to learn English, and it would be better if she placed me in a Bengali medium (Bangla based) school, instead of an English one. My mother took me home, and after much tearful ranting, decided that her child (she did her undergrad in English) would most certainly speak in English. And so she began cramming me. The end result? I'm currently doing my undergrad in English from Skidmore University in Saratoga Spring, New York.

Yeah, my mother is certainly someone who gets what she wants. But the problem is, living in Bangladesh, she's captured completely by these societal norms and diktats. In Bangladesh, people believe that being able to speak English is a status symbol: those who are not as proficient in the language are obviously "lower class" people, even if they are economically labeled "lower middle class." The problem is, even though the British reign has been over for decades, and the Indian "caste system" (which was definitive of class) was outlawed in 1949, Bangladesh still suffers under a rigid "class system." This system is defined firstly through economic status: whether a family is rich, middle (which has it's upper and lower brackets), or poor. Next on the checklist is education: whether the members of the family are all educated, whether they have studied abroad or in the country, whether they can all speak correct and fluent English. I am sure there are various other topics on that checklist, but I'd like to dwell more on this second one.

English is a globally accepted language, and in order to "become someone," it is indeed necessary for someone to be proficient in the language. However, I do not see why it should become a class symbol. I mean there are various Bengali medium students whose written English is grammatically stronger than that of English-medium students, even if their pronunciation and vocabulary are not. Eventually, when enough people decided that this should not be a factor necessary for entry into a certain social class bracket (probably because there were so many new money rich people who were definitely NOT so well read in English), the trends shifted slightly, and Bangla became the new "it' language. I think a certain shift in the  "coolness" of being "patriotic" also had something to do with it (India and America really capitalized on this trend!). So it turns out that now Bangla is all the rage, and speaking in English just means that you're putting up a front, and you're begging to be more "westernized," and therefore people will look down on you. My own mother, unfortunately, fell prey to this, and the reprimand which is most often on her lips is, "Do you think you're all that because you can speak, read and write in English? This is nothing to be proud of. You should be ashamed your Bangla isn't that strong. Stop being proud of not being able to speak Bangla."

I just really want to say: "I'm not ma. I'm not proud that I'm weak in Bangla. But neither am I ashamed of it. I'm just more comfortable in one language than the other, and this is entirely YOUR fault, so stop blaming me." The thing is, not every child has the capacity to be bi-lingual, and yet because it is a matter of social status, all children in Bangladesh try their damned best to become exactly that. For me, I would have been excellent at Bangla if my mother didn't put so much stress on teaching me English at that early age, when children are most vulnerable to learning. Now at age 22, I'll have a harder time learning a language than I did at age 4. And because she put so much stress on English, the Bengali escaped me. And now it's too late. Not to say that I can't get by. My Bangla is strong enough for me to communicate clearly. My vocabulary is just not varied, and my written and spoken spelling is horrible. But at least I'm not losing my "mother tongue," and when I get very emotional, I usually find myself lapsing into Bangla, and failing at expressing myself in English. What does that say about me? That deep down, no matter what language I choose to speak in, the Bangla will always be a part of who I am.

And I think most children face this problem, same as me. My father was complaining the other day about how children are weak in English because they are weak in Bangla, suggesting that because they do not have a "thinking" language, they cannot translate their thoughts into either language. But I beg to respectfully disagree. The problem with these children is that their parents put so much stress on learning English, that the children feel that it is more important to speak in English than in Bangla. However, in the home environment, these children find that their parents cannot communicate well in English, and are therefore forced to speak in Bangla. This jumbling of the language gave rise to what is known as "benglish," which is a mixture of the two languages, the best of none. And so why should these children not have trouble speaking? There are those children, like my brother, who are equally good in both languages, but even they have a problem. My brother hardly ever speaks in English, and then too, only when he is forced to. Having been living in America for the last three years, he's definitely been forced to. Even then, I've seen him looking for excuses and moments when he doesn't need to, and can resort to Bangla instead. The thing is, even though his English is excellent, he's not fully confident about it (maybe he is now, but back when we were in school, he wasn't). English became a language he was indifferent to. But again, not all kids are the same. So when I became well versed in English, I started reading books, and writing, and basically doing everything in my power to enhance my grasp of the language. And that is what a lot of other children do as well, with whatever language they feel comfortable with.

My point in writing this enormous rant is simply this: understand that your child may not be comfortable with a bi-lingual education, and allow them to have a stronger base in either language. Do not try to make them feel bad or guilty if that base language happens to be different from their "mother tongue." And most importantly, just support them in whatever they feel comfortable with: if they are better at speaking in English than in Bangla, it's about time you started brushing up on the language yourself, and keeping up with your children, rather than forcing them to keep up with you. Age is NOT a restriction or a valid excuse anymore. Everyone can change, and it's time you changed for your children, rather than ruining their lives and futures by making them change for you.